Confessions of a restrained heart
by PandorasHollow
Summary: Snickers OneParter. She reached behind her, letting her hand glide over his naked form. His body reacted to her touch and she smiled...


_**Disclaimer:** Don't own CSI, any of the characters mentioned in this story nor the movies, songs, games that are also mentioned in it._

_**AN:** I want to thank everyone who reviewed on my last story "Something's rotten in thestate of Vegas?". I was delighted to see that you liked it. However I decided not to write another chapter but leave it as it is, instead I wrote this story and I hope you like it just as much. _

A huge thank you to my beta **Kayce** aka **Khermione** _who was a big help. Girl, you're the best!_

* * *

The beeping sound of her alarm clock interrupted her peaceful sleep and with her eyes still closed she reached over and shut it off. Just then an arm sneaked around her bare waist and pulled her back until her back was pressed into his firm chest. He kissed her neck and shoulder before nuzzling that sensitive spot behind her ear and she giggled. 

"Morning beautiful." – He said, his voice husky from sleep.

"Morning." – She replied and reached behind her, letting her hand glide over his naked form. His body reacted to her touch and she smiled, satisfied with the little power she had over him.

"Sara."

"Yeah?"

"We have to go."

"What?"

"Sara."

"Nick?" – Sara said and her eyes fluttered open and focused on the person standing over her. She took in her surroundings and realized that she wasn't in her bed at home. She was on the couch in the break room and Nick was smiling down at her.

"Hey sleepyhead." – Nick said. Both he and Sara were pulling a double and she had fallen asleep while on a coffee break.

"Hey. What time is it?"

"Almost noon." – Nick replied and Sara sat up, stretching her arms above her head, giving Nick a glimpse of her bare belly. Nick looked at the little piece of her skin exposed and his thoughts wandered into places they shouldn't.

"Uhm…David paged me." –Nick said as he averted his eyes.

"He found something?"

"Yes and he sounded very pleased with himself."

"Finally, some good news." – Sara stated as the two walked out of the break room.

"So… what did you dream about?" – Nick caught her off guard with his question.

"What?" – _'Did I talk in my sleep?'_ – Sara thought in horror.

"What were you dreaming about? You were smiling." – Nick said and she felt relief wash over her. _'I didn't talk in sleep. Thank God.' _

"I don't remember." – Sara lied but couldn't stop the images of her dream as they played out in her head. A chuckle from Nick pulled her out of her reverie and she looked up at him, hoping that the calm look on her face would convince him of her fib.

"Liar." – He said, humor evident in his voice. – "It must have been something dirty 'cause you're blushing." – Sara just shook her head and avoided his gaze but a slight brush of his shoulder against hers prompted her eyes to lock with his.

"Come on Sar, tell me. You know you want to." – Nick said and waggled his brows playfully at her.

"Nick, Sara." – They heard Greg call them and they turned around to see him approach.

Sara let out a relieved breath, thankful for Greg's timing. She hated to lie to Nick, but there was no way she would tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him about the dream or any of the others in which he played the male leading role.

Nick leaned a bit closer to her and whispered – "Saved by the bell." – The proximity of his body to hers and his warm breath tickling her cheek were almost too much for Sara. She had to do her best not to shiver or to moan.

"Hey Greggo."

"You two on your way to David?"

"That we are." – Nick said and he and Greg continued to walk down the hallway. Sara was just a step behind, willing herself to stop thinking about a naked Nick.

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

**3 days later…**

Sara was in the locker room looking for her other shoe when she heard the door open and a very familiar voice greet her.

"Hey, Sara. Are you ready?"

"Uhm, no. I need a few minutes."

"That's okay. I'm leaving now to go grocery shopping. You just head over to my place whenever you can. Let yourself in, you know where the spare key is."

"Okay, I'll see you there." – Sara replied and smiled at him before he left. They were having one of their movie dates again. Since Nick's incident they were spending most of their spare time together, which Sara immensely enjoyed. There was a problem though. Sara was falling for her best friend and she was at a loss as to what to do about it.

Finally, after an annoyingly long quest she found her other shoe and was able to leave the lab. She drove to Nick's house and let herself in with the spare key. She walked into his living room and plopped down on the couch to watch some TV until Nick arrived. After zapping through the channels nothing caught her attention and she turned the TV off again. She took a look around her, thinking how much time she has spent in his house, how she knew every corner of it. It was almost spooky. Sara could exactly pinpoint the moment their relationship changed. It was the night they had found him buried in the coffin.

Nick was at the hospital and his parents and the whole team were in the waiting room, anxiously waiting for news from the doctor. Then the doctor had come in and told them that Nick was doing fine, he had no serious injuries. A collective sigh of relief had erupted in the waiting room and Sara had sat down, thanking God that Nick was save and sound. She thanked a God she didn't even believe in, but thanking him seemed appropriate at that time.

Nick's parents were the first ones to go in and see him and by the time Grissom and Cathrine had walked into his room, he was asleep. After that everyone had left with the intention to come back later in the day. On her way home Sara had suddenly turned around and had driven back to the hospital. She didn't know why, she just knew that she needed to see him.  
She had crept into his room and sat down in a chair. For a long time she had just sat there and watched him sleep. A few tears had fallen down her face when once again it had occurred to her how close to death he had been; how close she had been to losing him. When the first rays of sun had entered his hospital room Sara left and returned when it was dark again. It was her night off and she had decided to visit him late because she knew that his parents and the rest of the team were probably visiting him during the day.  
He had been asleep again but she hadn't minded. Some time later he had woken up and found her asleep on a plastic chair next to his bed. A nurse had then walked in and accidently interrupted Sara's sleep. Once the nurse had left again Nick and Sara were left alone. At first it was a bit awkward but soon enough they had found back to their usual banter and joking.

She had visited him every day he was at the hospital. They spent the time with talking, joking and watching TV. She had only left when he fell asleep or when it was time for her to go to work. That new routine hadn't stopped once he was released from the hospital or when he had finally been able to go back to work. They met at least three times a week for breakfast and a movie. Sara loved hanging around with Nick but the more time they spent together the deeper her feelings for Nick became. She started to wonder how it would feel to touch him, to kiss him, to make love to him. It hurt that she couldn't experience that kind of closeness with him. Sometimes she believed that she could feel the pain physically. No, she was sure that she could feel it physically. She felt it everytime she'd reluctantly pull out of a hug, her heart constricting at the loss of his arms around her. She felt the pain in the tips of her fingers everytime she denied them to brush ever so softly through his dark hair. She felt it in her lips everytime she restrained herself from tasting his.

The rustling of keys outside the house brought Sara out of her thoughts and she stood up just in time to see Nick enter with two paper bags in his hands.

"Let me help you." – Sara said and took one of the bags from him.

"Thanks."

"So what's for breakfast today?"

"Chocolate chip pancakes with extra whipped cream on top and strawberries ."

"Strawberries?"

"Some vitamins to balance out the junk food." – He said and smiled at her.

"How very thoughtful of you."

"I'll make the pancakes and you wash the strawberries. That okay?"

"Sure." – Sara said and took two bowls out of a cupboard. She gave one to him and she took the other for the strawberries.  
Half an hour later they were sitting on the floor of his living room. They were leaning against the couch and two plates of pancakes were in front of them on the small table.

"So, what movie did you choose today for us?" – Sara asked him.

"Well, I wasn't in the mood for some chick flick and you probably don't want to watch some action movie so I decided on a combination of the two."

"Why do men assume that all women like chick-flicks?" – Sara asked him.

"Don't you?" – Nick asked her in return and Sara just shook her head.

"What movie did you decide on?" – Nick chuckled at her subject change but didn't comment on it further. He just took the remote of the DVD-player and hit the start-button.

"_Matrix_? Oh, Keanu Reeves." – Sara said appreciatively and Nick looked at her in surprise.

"What? Sara Sidle has a crush on Keanu Reeves."

"Not a crush." – Sara rolled her eyes at him. – "I'm not twelve. I just think he looks nice."

"Nice?"

"Well sexy, actually."

"Really?"

"What's not sexy about him? Pretty face, tall, dark hair, brown eyes." – She trailed of when it occurred to her that she was pretty much describing the man next to her. She took a sip of her water before changing the subject once again. – "How is this movie a combination of a chick-flick and an action movie?"

"The entire time he fights against bad agents and in the end Trinity's love brings him back to life." – Nick explained.

"Just because she tells him that she loves him doesn't make it a chick-flick. You've apparently never seen one of those movies."

"Oh, believe me, I have. With five sisters in the house I've had my fair share of chick-flicks." – Nick said and Sara smiled at him.

"Could we please stop saying chick-flick?" – Sara said and Nick laughed.

"Alright, let's just watch the movie."

Twenty minutes later they finished their breakfast and stopped the movie for a few minutes to clear away their plates. When they finished that task they got comfortable on the couch and continued to watch the movie.

At some point during the movie Nick stretched out on the couch and rested his head on a pillow in Sara's lap. Absent-mindedly her hand had started to play with his hair. She was brushing her fingers through his dark hair and Nick closed his eyes in contentment, the movie long forgotten. He felt happy and carefree and couldn't believe that such a simple gesture could provoke these feelings. He smiled but quickly reprimanded himself; it wasn't the gesture that brought about his emotions, it was Sara.

After his incident he had become more cautious and more jumpy but whenever she was around he felt calm and at peace. Just to see her beautiful smile was reason enough for him to get up everyday. It was clear to him that he had fallen hard for Sara but he just couldn't find the courage to confess it to her. He was afraid of rejection, he was afraid that it would scare her away and he couldn't risk that. He couldn't risk losing his reason to get up everyday.

As the credits of the movie rolled on the TV screen they were both long asleep.

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

Sara woke up and she knew immediately that she wasn't in her bed. She opened her eyes and remembered that she was at Nick's place. A small pillow was tucked under her head and a blanket was covering her. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked around in search of Nick but he wasn't in the room. For that she was grateful because she just woke up from another dream. A dream about Nick's couch table, whipped cream, strawberries and them fully naked. Her cheeks reddened just when she remembered what his mouth and fingers had done to her.

Sara composed herself the best she could and sat up. She called out to Nick but received no answer. Her look fell down on the table and she saw a note on it.

_Gris called, we have a suspect in our case  
You seemed very comfortable I didn't want to disturb you  
See you later_

_Nick_

Sara read out loud and then glanced at the clock on the DVD-Player. It was too late to drive home and then to work but that was okay. She had clean clothes in her car and she could shower at his place, it wasn't the first time.

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

Sara was just about to walk out of the locker room when the door opened and Nick walked in.

"Hey, Sara."

"Hey. How did the case go?"

"The guy confessed."

"That's good."

"It always is. Did you sleep well?" – He asked her as he opened his locker.

"Very well. Thanks for making sure I was comfortable." – Sara smiled at him.

"That's an implicitness when you stay at Plaza Stokes."

"Yeah? What else is an implicitness?"

"Well, you have to stay over more often if you want to find out."

"I just might do that." – Sara said before walking out of the room. Nick quickly closed his locker and caught up with her outside in the hallway.  
A few minutes later they were sitting in the break room and drinking coffee with the rest of the team when Grissom walked in.

"I hope everyone is well rested. This is going to be a long night." – He said and everyone stood up as Grissom started to hand out the assignments. Nick and Warrick were put on a case together, Sara was paired with Greg. On his way out Nick squeezed Sara's shoulder and told her that he'd see her later.

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

_Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene  
I'm begging of you please don't take my man  
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene  
Please don't take him just because you can  
You could have your choice of men  
But I could never love again  
He's the only one for me, Jolene!_

Five hours later Sara was in the break room gathering up papers that were scattered all over the table in front of her. A radio was playing somewhere in the background and it switched from song to song to a moderator that sounded way too cheerful. For once Sara didn't mind, since she was in a good mood herself. Greg's and her case was quickly solved once they found out that there was no crime just a misunderstanding. After they had gotten back to the lab Sara had decided to get some of her paperwork done. Thankfully, she was done with it by now and wouldn't have to do it on the weekend. When Sara had all the papers together, Warrick and Nick walked into the break room and they both smiled and shared a look.

"Sara Sidle singing along to a Dolly Parton song." – Warrick teased, his voice startling Sara. She turned around and saw him and Nick grinning at her. Her cheeks reddened a bit when she realized that she wasn't just singing in her head. Nick chuckled when he saw her blush and he walked a bit closer to her.

"Country music, huh? I must be rubbing off on you."

"Oh, you wish Stokes, you wish." – She said playfully and winked at him. Her sexual innuendo took both men by surprise and as if that wasn't enough she slapped Nick on the butt with the files she was holding in her hands.

Both men were flabbergasted with her forwardness that they barely noticed her leave the room with a satisfied smile on her face.  
Warrick burst out laughing and Nick just shook his head, still trying to wrap his mind around what just had happened. She had definitely taken him by surprise because she had never flirted that openly with him before.

"She always keeps me guessing." – Nick told Warrick, a big grin playing on his lips.

Warrick watched Nick smile and he thought how rarely Nick smiled these days. He often saw him smile politely at the people around him but it was a rare occurrence that he had one of those big grins on his face just like now. It was not one of those smiles that just brought the corners of his mouth upwards but it was one of those that reached his eyes and filled them with laughter.

It was obvious to Warrick that nowadays only Sara was able to make Nick really smile.

_**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**_

**5 days later…**

Sara sat on a chair in the break room with a cup of coffee in her hands. Her eyes were focused on the wall opposite of her but all she was seeing were images of her last dream.

It was the most vivid dream she yet had and her cheeks reddened just at the sheer thought of it. She remembered how his every touch burned her skin. She remembered how her gasps sounded when his fingers found her most sensitive spot. She remembered how he whispered sweet nothings in her ear, how he encouraged her to let go, to let herself fall.

"Hey, Sara." – Nick's voice startled her and she almost let the cup fall to the floor.

"Jeez Nick. Do you have to scare me like that?"

"Sorry, didn't mean to." – Nick said, looking apologetically at her.

"Well, you're lucky that I didn't spill any coffee on my new shirt."

"That would have been really bad since that shirt suits you very well." – Nick told her and Sara smiled, his compliment and lingering gaze made her heart flutter happily.

"Greg found something in the car of our vic. I was on my way to him when I saw you in here." – Nick told her and Sara stood up, glad that work came up. She hoped it would distract her enough from her dreams.  
In the garage Greg showed them what he had found. Sara was able to completely forget her last dream but then Nick reached over and took an evidence bag from her. Their fingers touched briefly and Sara felt a jolt of electricity rush through her body.  
Her whole body stiffened and Nick noticed it.

"Sara, is everything alright?"

"What? Oh, yes. Sorry, I just zoned out for a second." – Sara lamely explained.

"If you're sure."

"So what else did you find?" – Sara asked Greg and he was just about to show her the pills he had found under the driver's seat when Nick's cell phone rang.

"Sorry, I'll be right back." – Nick answered his phone and walked outside, leaving Sara and Greg alone in the garage.

"Are you really okay, Sara?" – Greg asked and chose his next words carefully. – "You seem a bit distracted."

"It's really nothing. I just haven't been sleeping well lately." – Sara said and that was, in a way, the truth. Greg wasn't really convinced but he dropped the subject.

"Well, good. But if you need to talk about something, I'm here." – Greg offered and Sara was touched. She knew that she would never take him up on that offer but it was really sweet of him. She took a step towards him and pecked him on the cheek.

"Thank you Greg." – Nick had just walked in to witness Sara kissing Greg on the cheek and he felt a bit confused. When they noticed him back in the room, Sara took a step back and Greg looked away embarrassed. Nick felt like he had disturbed a private moment. _'But that's ridiculous, right?'_ – He thought.

A few hours later their case was still unsolved albeit Greg's findings. Nick was looking at the victim's clothes again to make sure he didn't miss anything the first time. He let out a frustrated sigh when he came up empty handed again. As if this case wasn't unnerving enough he couldn't stop thinking about Sara giving Greg that kiss. The rational side of him knew that it was innocent, just a small gesture between two friends. However he couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealousy gnawing at him. _'It can't be true that she has feelings for Greg, it just can't be true.' _– Nick tried to assure himself just when Sara and Greg walked in.

"This woman is a genius." – Greg said and Nick noticed that his arm was around Sara's shoulders.

"You figured out our case?" – Nick asked hopefully, forgetting his discomfort for the moment.

"What? Oh, no. Hodges is still looking at the samples. Anyway, this lady here just helped me realize how to kill that demon in _Devil May Cry_ that usually ends up killing me." – Greg explained and Sara giggled at his enthusiasm over something so banal.

Greg was making Sara giggle and it was more than Nick could take at the moment.

"That's great Greggo." – Nick said and left the room quickly. Greg and Sara watched him walk away both feeling a little perplexed at his behavior.

"What's up with him?"

"I don't know." – Sara said, she was still looking at Nick's retreating form.

"He's probably jealous that now I know how to win the game."

"I'm sure that's it Greg." – Sara commented sarcastically before she followed Nick. She found him in the locker room sitting in front of his open locker.

"Hey." – She softly said. – "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Really? 'Cause if there's something bothering you, you can tell me." – She said and sat down next to him. Nick just nodded and continued to stare at his locker. They just sat there in silence for a while. When it was obvious to Sara that he wasn't going to talk she stood up with the intention to give him time and space. She hated to see him hurt but she could not force her help on him.  
Just when she was about to grab the doorknob his voice stopped her.

"Do you have feelings for Greg?" – Nick asked, making Sara almost stumble over her own feet.

"What?" – She said and turned around to face him. He could hear bewilderment in her voice and continued to avoid her gaze.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you that. It's none of my business."

"Why are you asking me this?" – She really wanted to know where he had gotten the idea.

"Forget it. It's nothing, I was…"

"I don't."

"What?" – He asked and looked up at her.

"I don't have any feelings for Greg that go beyond friendship." – Just as Nick was starting to feel hopeful again, her next words crushed him. – "It's not Greg I'm in love with." – Sara didn't know where she found the strength and courage to confess that to him. She just knew that she had to tell him. It was no longer healthy to keep that buried inside of her. She had to say it before she lost her sanity.

"Does that mean that you're in love with someone else?" – He hesitantly asked her.

"Yes." – Five minutes ago he had thought that he couldn't feel any worse but apparently he was wrong. He averted his gaze as he stood up and closed the door of his locker. Sara looked as if she wanted to tell him more and he just couldn't bear to hear her talk about some guy, he already knew he hated.

"It's you." – Sara said confidently, willing her voice not quaver with nervousness that she felt. Nick's head snapped up and he looked at her, wondering if he had heard her right.

"What?" – He asked, not daring to get hopeful.

"Please just listen. I have to get this off my chest before I burst or go crazy. I've been having these feelings for you lately, feelings that go beyond friendship. At first I denied them and decided not to tell you but the last two weeks were just too much with the dreams and everything else. However, you don't have to worry about it and you don't have to say anything. I'm going to deal with this and I really, really hope that this doesn't change anything between us. I don't want…"

"But it changes everything." – Nick interrupted her mid-sentence and Sara's face fell. She closed her eyes for a moment, holding back tears.

"Me and my big mouth. I knew I shouldn't have said anything." – She said and crossed her arms across her chest, distancing herself for him. – "Nick, I swear this isn't going to change a thing. We still can be friends. I want us to be friends. Our friendship means so much to me."

"It means a lot to me too…"

"But?"

"…but it's not enough. Not anymore."

"What?" – The bafflement in her voice underlined the surprise and confusion that he registered in her beautiful brown eyes.

"A friendship is no longer enough for me. I want more. I've have feelings for you too. For a long time actually but I kept them to myself because I never thought that you could feel the same way. I value our friendship so much that I didn't want to risk anything but now that you found the courage to tell me all the things I couldn't tell you…" – Before he got a chance to finish his little speech, her lips were upon his. His arms automatically wrapped around her and his body melted against hers as their lips engaged in a hungry, yet sweet kiss. As their kiss ended they pulled slowly apart and opened their eyes. The big grin on Nick's face was reflected on Sara's.

"Hi." – He whispered.

"Hi." – She whispered back before they kissed again. The second kiss was slow and more gentle, giving them enough time to explore each others mouths.

This time the need for air made them pull away but they stayed in each other's embrace as they tried to catch their breaths.

"We should probably not do this in here." – Sara said once she was able to form a coherent thought again.

"You're right, someone could have walked in. I'm sorry." – Nick agreed and they reluctantly let go of each other.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. After all I _kissed_ you first."

"Yeah, but I kissed you back." – Nick said. Sara was very aware that he had kissed her back. Her lips still tingled from the touch of his.

"So…" – She said, barely capable of holding back the giddiness she felt.

"So…" – Nick echoed. – "Our little chat was very enlightening but I think…"

"We need to talk a bit more about it." – She finished his sentence and he nodded.

"Breakfast after shift?" – Nick asked.

"Your place or mine?"

"Mine."

"Good."

"Good." – He couldn't wait for the two hours to pass by.

"Then I guess we should go back to work." – Sara said although work was the last thing on her mind.

"Yeah, we should." – Nick agreed and they exited the locker room both feeling happier than in a really long time.

"You mentioned something about dreams. Are you going to tell me about them later too?" – Nick asked her when they were walking side by side in the hallway.

"Oh, no. Not on the first date."

"That dirty, huh?" – He asked her with a smug smile.

'_Oh, you have no idea.'_ Sara thought but didn't answer him anything which only made him chuckle.

"I've had a few myself." – He whispered and she looked into his eyes once they found themselves outside the break room.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Were they any good?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Well you know what they say Nicky. Some dreams do come true." – Sara said seductively before she walked into the break room where she was greeted by her other colleagues.  
It took Nick a moment to comprehend what she had just suggested. He chuckled and murmured: _'Sara Sidle, you just keep me guessing.'_ before he too joined the others in the break room.

**THE END**


End file.
